What Not to Do When Someone Dies

10 Mistakes to Avoid During Bereavement

The loss of a loved one is one of life’s most profound challenges. Grief can be overwhelming, leaving us feeling lost and unsure of how to move forward. During such a vulnerable time, it’s natural to feel uncertain about what to do—or what not to do—as you navigate the emotional and practical aspects of bereavement. Understanding common pitfalls can help ease your journey toward healing. Here are ten mistakes to avoid after losing someone dear.

Mistake #1: Suppressing Your Grief

Explanation

It’s a common impulse to hold back tears and put on a brave face, either to appear strong or to avoid burdening others with your pain. However, suppressing your emotions can lead to prolonged grief and may affect your mental and physical health.

Alternative Approach

Allow yourself to feel. Cry if you need to, laugh at cherished memories, and express your emotions openly. Sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family members can provide relief. If you find it difficult to cope, consider reaching out to a grief counselor who can offer support and guidance.

Mistake #2: Making Major Life Decisions Hastily

Explanation

In the wake of loss, you might feel an urge to make significant changes—like selling your home, moving to a new city, or changing jobs—in an attempt to escape the pain. Decisions made under emotional duress may lead to regret later on.

Alternative Approach

Give yourself time before making any major changes. Grief can cloud judgment, so it’s wise to wait until you’re thinking more clearly. If decisions are unavoidable, seek advice from trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide an objective perspective.

Mistake #3: Neglecting Self-Care

Explanation

Grief can consume your energy and focus, causing you to overlook basic self-care routines. Skipping meals, losing sleep, or neglecting personal hygiene can exacerbate emotional and physical exhaustion.

Alternative Approach

Prioritize your well-being by establishing a daily routine that includes nourishing meals, adequate rest, and some form of physical activity, even if it’s a short walk. Simple practices like deep breathing or meditation can also help manage stress.

Mistake #4: Avoiding Professional Legal and Financial Guidance

Explanation

Settling your loved one’s estate can be complex. Overlooking legal requirements or mishandling financial matters may lead to unnecessary complications, financial loss, or legal issues.

Alternative Approach

Consult with legal and financial professionals who can guide you through the process. They can help you understand probate laws, manage debts, and ensure that assets are distributed according to your loved one’s wishes.

Mistake #5: Withdrawing from Social Support Networks

Explanation

It’s natural to want solitude during grief, but isolating yourself can intensify feelings of loneliness and despair. Friends and family may not know how to help if you push them away.

Alternative Approach

Stay connected with your support network. Accept offers of help, whether it’s a listening ear, a home-cooked meal, or assistance with errands. Sharing memories and feelings with others can provide comfort and remind you that you’re not alone.

Mistake #6: Overlooking Children’s Needs During Grief

Explanation

Children often grieve differently than adults and may not express their feelings openly. Assuming they are unaffected can leave them without the support they need.

Alternative Approach

Engage in open, honest conversations with children about the loss, using age-appropriate language. Encourage them to express their feelings and ask questions. Consider involving a child psychologist or counselor if they seem to struggle significantly.

Mistake #7: Sharing Too Much on Social Media

Explanation

In the digital age, it’s easy to turn to social media to express grief. However, oversharing can lead to unintended consequences, such as privacy concerns or insensitive comments.

Alternative Approach

Think carefully before posting. Consider the feelings and privacy of other family members and friends. It might be more appropriate to share news and memories through private messages or in-person conversations.

Mistake #8: Ignoring the Deceased’s Final Wishes

Explanation

Disregarding your loved one’s preferences for funeral arrangements or estate distribution can cause family conflicts and personal regret. It’s important to honor their legacy as they intended.

Alternative Approach

Review any wills, letters, or documented wishes your loved one left behind. Discuss these with family members to ensure everyone understands and respects their desires. If conflicts arise, a mediator or legal professional can help navigate disagreements.

Mistake #9: Neglecting to Secure and Manage Digital Assets

Explanation

In today’s connected world, your loved one likely had an online presence. Ignoring digital accounts can lead to security vulnerabilities and emotional distress if accounts are hacked or misused.

Alternative Approach

Make a list of their digital accounts—social media, email, subscriptions—and take steps to manage them. Many platforms offer options to memorialize or deactivate accounts. If necessary, seek assistance from customer support or consult a professional experienced in digital estate management.

Mistake #10: Avoiding Professional Grief Support When Needed

Explanation

Some people may struggle with grief more intensely or for a longer period. Avoiding professional help due to stigma or the belief that you should cope alone can hinder healing.

Alternative Approach

Recognize that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you find daily functioning challenging, or if your grief feels unbearable, reach out to a mental health professional. Therapists and support groups can provide coping strategies and a safe space to share your feelings.

Grieving is a deeply personal and challenging journey, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it.

By being mindful of these common mistakes, you can navigate this difficult time with greater ease and compassion for yourself. Remember that it’s okay to seek help, lean on others, and take the time you need to heal.

If you or someone you know is dealing with the loss of a loved one, support is available.

You’re not alone on this journey—we’re here to help you every step of the way.